Mt Healthy Haunted Hall | Place Of Doom And Da

2006

MT HEALTHY'S HAUNTED HALL-We Forsee...Death!

While watching the Fortune Teller at the Mt. Healthy Haunted Hall do a card reading for a group about to enter, we at The HOUSE OF DOOM!!! were reminded of a feature from our early years-Anton, The Psychic With The One Track Mind. The Lord High Minister Of All That Is Sinister, Anton (being of a rather Satanic bent) was apt to come up with predicitions that had a startling similarity no matter what question was asked. To be more specific, any question asked by visitors to the site was likely to get "I FORSEE...DEATH!!!" as the reply. While the Fortune Teller here swears her answers are much more varied, the tub full of severed heads and viscera nearby seems to argue otherwise!
The Fortune Teller is just one of the new twists seen in this year's Haunted Hall, now in its 17th year. Greg Hancock took us into the recesses of the Hall to discuss particulars. "Let's see...right now, we have 30 actors in the scenes, and we have stations for a lot more. Besides the Hall Building, we've got three tents, a shed, a waist high passage, the hanging tree, and the black maze. The front yard is also themed to keep the people in line entertained," explained Greg. As if to illustrate this, a Grim Reaper with a bloody axe slung over his shoulder begins to slowly walk towards a group approaching the ticket booth. The popular Kreature Kage is still in the front yard as well, and the aforementioned Fortune Teller is a welcome addition. The Fortune Teller, a quite pleasant lady, allows each member of a group to draw a card and then predicts what type of experience they'll have inside. One member of a group drew the death card, while others were told they would encounter no problems inside. Others were told to seek protection from their friends (not a bad thing at all if it's your date clinging to you!), and were even told how many times they could do so. The readings can get very amusing-we're not even going to discuss what she told the guy who drew the Queen Of Hearts!
Once inside, you'll see that the Hall has brought back many of its favored themes. Unlike some haunts, however, they're located in a completely different part of the attraction and laid out differently as well. For example, Dracula's funeral room appears every year but always with some small twist to keep it fresh. This year, the exit from the room had been disguised to make things just a bit more interesting. While we don't want to ruin the surprise, we will say that people who have been to Baxter Avenue will have a head start! Another old favorite with a twist is the Hall Of Portraits. Here, the portraits are actually drop panels that slam down to reveal the monsters behind them. Seen it all before, right? Well, not really...one of those portraits is likely to surprise you! And for the ulimate twist, try the black maze at the end of the attraction. This part of the haunt is tough enough to navigate without any help, and the fact that a Hall staffer 'accidently' pops a camera flash in your face as you enter doesn't help things. But even more interesting is this:"We change the layout of the maze at least once a week just to keep people from getting too comfortable," laughed Greg.
While there are plenty of classic rooms, there are new ones as well. The chainsaw tent is particularly interesting, using mirrors to disguise the placement of Leatherface. The Frankenstein Monster levitating from a prone position is the BIGGEST one you've seen indoors-try to be next to the table when he rises up to get the full impact of the effect (he's the poster boy for this year's Hall T). The Hall Morgue also makes its debut, where the monsters are dead but still kicking. There's an area outside where different props emerge from a waist high wall to harass passersby.
You'll also run into a rare area appearance by Satan (once a staple of most every haunt, the Prince Of Darkness now only makes regular appearances at the Hall). Caged Fangface, Clown Alley, the Bates Motel, the Spinning Floor, the one way Elevator, and the area's best vortex tunnel (spinning at a jacked up rate of speed) all return from previous seasons.
More importantly than any of this, though, is the fact that you'll run into notorious derelict corpse and local haunt icon Bug Boy (you didn't think we'd forget about him, did you?). This year, the Bugster has returned to his original digs-the bug infested room and static filled TV are back in all their glory. After having his license suspended dozens of times and his ride from the last couple of Haunted Halls impounded, that's probably for the best (no need to fear tire tracks up your backside this year!). With a plea of 'Guilty But Dead', the Hall's skull-faced signature character escaped confinement in the Big House. While Bug Boy was initially infuriated to see trespassers in his living room, he eventually slumped back into his equally infested 'sl-easy' chair to check out...well, whatever it is he sees on that TV screen. We were afraid to ask!
As always, the actors at the Hall are placed to get the most out of what they have to offer. Adult actors get most of the 'featured' speaking characters (such as Betty Hancock, playing the cleaning lady). Some roles like the incredibly hyperactive elevator operator go to younger actors (jumping around like a frog on a hotplate-I have no idea how he keeps this up throughout the night!). Younger actors of less stature are placed where that fact is not so obvious (such as behind drop panels). All of the actors we observed were well disciplined. They didn't break character, had enthusiasm, and hit their marks well. Haunt acting in Cincinnati has taken a big leap forward in the last few years-rare is the event that has actors breaking character or just staring at hauntgoers with a disinterested look. Some of this has to do with the switch from masks to character makeup, but at the Hall, it's just dedication. For the most part, they rely on masks, giving them a selection of bizarre looking characters unmatched by other events (the Hall and Sandyland Acres are about the only local haunts that use primarily masked characters). Speaking of scary, the Hall's limo tour of other attractions after their season ends has become almost legendary on its own!
The Hall is still one of the best haunt bargains around. With an $8 admission with a $2 canned good discount, it delivers the goods for $6. There are also buy one-get one free admission coupons out there. On a personal note, the Hall was also generous enough to allow the winner of last year's 'Bug Boy' ticket giveaway contest to use his tickets this year (since he was unable to attend last season). We here at the HOD!!! decided to dial up Anton's Psycho Hotline to see what he had to say about this year's Haunted Hall...and 'predictably' enough, he forsaw..."DEATH!!!". But those of us who have went through just predict that you'll have a great time (and whatever you do, DON'T change the Channel on Bug Boy...he just HATES that!).

2007

MT. HEALTHY'S HAUNTED HALL-Someone Get That Corpse A Doctor!

Bug Boy, notorious derelict corpse about town and one of the recurring characters at the Mt. Healthy Haunted Hall (along with Satan, Norman Bates, Dracula, and others), recently disclosed on The HOUSE OF DOOM!!!'s message board his novel secret technique for predicting that haunt season is once again upon us. While you'll have to go the message board to glean the details, let's just say that his six legged pals have him 'squirming from the burning' and 'twitching from the itching' (to borrow the copy from a particularly annoying hemmoroid commercial). Also 'squirming from the burning' is the skull headed demon who appears on the front of this year's staff T-shirts-he's enjoying his shock treatment at the hands of the event's electric chair. Emblazoned across the front is '18 and Old Enough For The Chair!'

Yes, the Haunted Hall is entering its 18th season of haunting courtesy of the Madonna Council Knights Of Columbus (along with Boy Scout Troops 27 and 393). As is usually the case, Greg Hancock appeared to guide us through the event and discuss some of the changes you'll see (extra-special thanks to Greg-the HOD was late due to missing our exit, and he patiently stayed for an extra hour to answer all of our questions). "The haunt industry has really changed in the last five years, and it's getting harder and harder for charity haunts to compete with the pros. To keep up, we've added more effects and we continue to feature a totally new layout with rethemed rooms every year. We've got a new radio sponsor (101.1 WIZF) and our promos are actually playing on three of the stations they're affiliated with. We've got the begnnings of a website up, and also joined Cincy Haunts. For the first time we're also offering a fast pass, which will probably come in handy for people who don't want to wait when the lines get longer the closer it gets to Halloween."

While the haunt has indeed implemented many new wrinkles, it hasn't skimped on the classic old school haunting that has carried it through 18 seasons. The event is still one of a handful of local haunts that relies on masks moreso than character makeup to outfit its actors. This allows the haunt to incorporate far more bizarre and monstrous characters. It also allows actors to be switched in and out easier. Just as at St. Rita's, the Haunted Hall features more characters per room than a professional haunt. Unlike many charity haunts, the majority of the actors are of good stature. The smaller ones are given roles that minimize their lack of size-you'll see them behind drop panels, sitting down, or as victims of larger creatures. The roles that involve the most speaking are given to the experienced actors that have worked the event for years (such as Betty Hancock, who this year hangs out at the Elevator). Despite the intense heat inside the house (over 100 degrees this evening), all of the actors, young and old, were well prepared, enthusiastic, and hit their marks at just the right times. The Executioner in particular stood out for me-he jumped right in my face from behind the curtain covering the passage just ahead the second I stepped onto the spinning floor. I couldn't say for sure which of us was more 'unbalanced' at that point!

One of the Hall's characters is rarely glimpsed outside of this event. Of course, that would be Satan-and he's got an all new area wallpapered with skulls to hang out in. Don't worry if he seems to be out when you enter-he'll find you. Norman Bates also scores high on the crazed intensity meter. We were also delighted to see one of our favorite haunt characters, Bug Boy, again making an appearance. This year, his look has been enhanced with a snappy fedora, sure to win him style points and admiring glances from the chicks (or maybe he's just trying to hide from the cops parked ouside-who can say?). Other improvements to the Bugster include a nice set of bony hands, and his lab coat features insects in all sorts of colors-not just black. His area still features the insect covered walls, slea-zy chair, and strobe lighting that are relocated yearly. Gone for this year at least is his static-filled TV Set. We did think we overheard the Bugster muttering about the 'damn cable company', so maybe he's just waiting on repairs. The Hall is also to be complimented on continuing to feature the classic Dracula character. While perhaps a bit mild for todays audiences, Drac never loses his appeal for us older haunters. Taking the year off is Frankenstein's Monster, another classic who usually is part of the Hall.

So, Greg mentioned new effects and twists. What will the unwary hauntgoer encounter? Well, leading off is the event's hallmark Vortex Tunnel-homemade, and in our opinion, the best one in town. There's an attack clown, a bubbling vat with a head, the elevator (where all floors lead to Hell), and an electric chair that has a very noir-ish feel to it. There are drop panels inside an art gallery and a chainsaw maze. One room needs to be entered by entering an upright coffin and pushing open the bottom. We've already mentioned the spinning floor. Best of all this year is an effect that has so much impact, it broke a table constructed of two thick doors. You'll know it when you see it...and for good measure, it's repeated several times in short succession! Right now, it's the early favorite for the best effect award from the HOD!!!.

The event has routinely expanded every year from its humble start as a five room haunt inside the Hall. This year you'll tour the Hall (now ten rooms), a tent with six more, a large shed, the Vortex tunnel, the chainsaw split maze, and several short paths. The shed usually features an elaborate new room every year-it's been the scene of the clever Monster Maternity, the Organ Donor, and the Jaws Cage in years past. This year it seemingly gives a nod to the Hall's new friends in Cincy Haunts, The Dent Schoolhouse. It's a schoolroom where the punishment seems to be just a BIT too severe.

Finishing out the tour is the Hall's traditional closer, the Black Maze. The layout of the maze is changed weekly just to keep everyone from getting complacent. This week, it was particularly devious as even the experienced maze-busters at the HOD!!! took forever to find their way through! When we exited, the group directly in front of us upon entering had just found their way back to the maze's start. For all we know, they're still in there!

The Haunted Hall last year was inducted into the HOD!!!'s Haunt Hall Of Fame, not only for its longevity but for keeping alive quality old school haunting. It continues to earn its reputation with strong characters, new scenes mixed with traditional favorites, and effects that deliver a lot of bang for the buck. The Bugster is squirming from the burning, and this time his unique method of prognosticating is likely telling him that you'll have a great time at the Hall! Somebody get that corpse a doctor...

Who Let That Clown In Here?

The Creatures at the Hall are notorious for their grandstanding antics!

The Artwork At The Hall Is So Realistic, You'd Swear It Was Alive!

Waitaminute...it is...or maybe not quite alive...

Does The Hall Do Crazy? You Bet It Does!

'Norma' Bates, while not the ugliest character around, sure is one of the most intense!

Mt Healthy's Haunted Hall is located at 7700 Seward Ave in Mt Healthy. Parking is in the Duvall school parking lot at the end of the street (on Compton Road). It is open Friday through Sunday, September 28-October 27, 8-11 on Friday and Saturday and 7-9 on Sunday. Admission is $10, a donation of a canned good will get a $2 discount. $15 Fast Pass (no discounts) available. There are child friendly "lights on" tours on Sunday, October 14 and Sunday, October 21 from 3-5 (tickets will be $7). Sponsored by Madonna Council Knights Of Columbus and Boy Scout Troops 27 and 393. Publicity by 101.1 WIZF. For more information call (513) 729-1974 or go to http://www.mthealthyhauntedhall.com .

2008

MT. HEALTHY'S HAUNTED HALL: Gone With The Wind!

Many Tri-State haunts were affected by the wind storm that ripped through the area on September 14th-most notably the outdoor attractions, but also some indoor attractions as well. About a week before the Mt. Healthy Haunted Hall's opening night of October 3rd, the HOD!!! received an email from longtime event volunteer/actress Betty Hancock inviting us to come check out the event. In it, she said that not only had the event suffered substantial wind damage, but they had lost construction time on the event as well and were working at a feverish pace to get everything ready in time. Betty ended the email with a note saying "…you'll see what I mean when you get here". Well, the Hall WAS ready for that October 3rd opening, but Betty was right-even a week after that, you could still see the results of the storm on the property and the attraction. For starters, the large tree in the front yard by the event's ticket booth was now little more than just a tall stump-which had the rather unintended effect of making the front yard look even spookier. In addition, the crew of the Haunted Hall made something out of nothing when they took the large branches and debris into the back yard of the event and turned it into a scene! There are tombstones scattered in and about a large 'burial mound', and a zombie struggles to make his way towards the hauntgoers by clambering over some huge fallen tree limbs. This helped to make up for the part of the attraction lost when one of the outdoor tents was damaged, having a huge tear ripped in the side. In effect, part of the Haunted Hall was now Gone With The Wind!

The Haunted Hall is now in its 19th season and despite the problems created by the windstorm continues to be one of the premier charity haunts in the area. From its humble beginnings as a five room event held in the main building, it's added several tents, a vortex tunnel, and a black maze that has for years confounded its customers. The maze is even more confusing this year, with at least three waist high openings hidden inside. We managed to find the exit after two trips back to the entrance, but didn't realize it since the flap of the tent that surrounds it had been battened down so that you have to partially crawl under it-it was the group of teenage girls we were with that finally figured it out! The maze walls are changed from time to time during the season, meaning that even those who have been through it before are just as likely to get lost as newcomers. The modular construction of the maze extends to the Hall as a whole-it's a rarity among annual longtime haunts in the area in that it is rebuilt from the ground up every year, with a new layout of rooms. It's hard to pin down exactly what type of haunt the Hall is-it offers a taste of just about everything. It's partially indoors and partially outdoors. It has classical 'old time' haunt characters (Dracula, Satan, usually Frankenstein), new slasher type characters, modern home made animatronics, and traditional scenes like the black maze. The actors inside are both adults and youngsters, and the acting styles vary from threatening and psychotic to entertaining and amusing. You never know what you might find around the next bend!

There are four characters, though, that you'll ALWAYS find in the hall. They've been there as long as the HOD!!!'s been attending the event (seventeen of its nineteen years). First off is Dracula-he's almost always in the last room of the main house, and he usually has a coffin with a 'convert' inside. The only question is WHERE he might be hiding-he seems to be able to come at you from behind no matter how often you change your facing to look for him. Secondly is Norman Bates-the bloody bathtub of the Hall is always somewhere on the grounds, the past few years taking up residence in the tents outside. Thirdly is Satan-this classic character is sadly lacking in most haunts, but he's still plugging away at the Hall. Not only does he have a new look this year, but he's back up on his elevated throne after having to hide behind a barrier last year. And unless you're four years old, you WILL kneel before him! Last but not least is HOD!!! perennial favorite, Bug Boy. Cincinnati's most Infamous Derelict Corpse is still holding court in his room with bugs running over the walls (and his jacket), and seems to have acquired some refined tastes in the last year-his room now has bookshelves and some 'hunting trophies' mounted over his mantle. The Bugster still is slouched in his sl-eazy chair, and he's one of the few who won't need a converter box to upgrade his TV set to digital-the static it plays will still show up just fine without it. And it looks like he's filled with the spirit of Halloween as well-this year, he's offering bites out of his favorite insect treats to passersby! The HOD!!! is hoping that with the Haunted Hall's 20th Anniversary next year, that it's the year when the Bugster is finally featured on the event's T-Shirts (which over the years have been among the most creative in town). Do it for the Hall! Do it for Bug Boy! But most of all, do it for The HOUSE OF DOOM!!!-we NEED a Bug Boy T!

While it's good to see old friends, the Hall's filled with new rooms as well. Our favorite from this year was the 'Dead Or Alive Funeral Parlor', which also is a showcase for the oddball humor of the event. Hauntgoers are met out front by the funeral director who welcomes them to the affair-and are then shown the family photos of the dearly departed in the front of the room (take the time to check out the photos-the group shot in particular is priceless). It seems the family in question had been operating on the 'layaway plan'-choosing to hold off on the daughter's funeral until the son had cashed it in too. The funeral director escorts you to the viewing area and introduces you around. Of course, having her burial delayed means dear daughter is more than a little bit ripe in her coffin. It's a good thing, as the director reminds us, that the cemetery is right outside the back door! Other new additions include the Murder Shack (a tool shed where the dangers of power tool abuse are on display, with corpses littering the floor and bones hanging from the ceiling-not to mention bodies springing up from barrels), They're Coming To Get You (the aforementioned outdoor zombie scene with the tree limbs), the Electric Chair (with a crackling electrified fence), and the Egyptian treasure room. They join old standbys like the Klown Mirror Maze, the Portrait Gallery, and the Spinning Floor. The Hall has quite a few scenes for a charity haunt-over 25 in all, even with the loss of a tent.

Perhaps moreso than any other local haunt, the Haunted Hall is known for wacky concept rooms (like the Monster Maternity and Birthday Cake rooms from past years) and for the quirkiness of their actors, who infuse their parts with personality and individuality-they're not just tiresome generic killers. Remember, this is the attraction that had Bug Boy's band performing live a couple of years back! Setting the tone for the Hall is the character working the front door-in years past, it's been the Bride Of Frankenstein, a Witch, and a Gypsy Fortuneteller among others. No matter what character is used, they engage the next group to enter in conversation and either soothe the scared groups or put the confident ones on edge as needed. This year, the greeter's a patient from the Hall's operating room who has just had brain surgery performed on them (having their brain removed). In a move that always draws a reaction from the crowd, she offers the group a drink from a half-filled personal handheld urinal. Just as crazy are the put-upon elevator operator and the doorman to Motel Hell. Talk about two guys that hate their jobs-the doorman looks more like a homeless guy from the River Styx, and we almost expected him to hit us up for spare change to buy a bottle of ripple. The elevator operator hyperactively jumps from one side of the elevator car to the other, cutting loose with a stream of nonsense and bemoaning the state of repair of the car. I would say it's a like lot shopping in downtown Cincinnati, except that they don't have elevator operators anymore!

The Hall also builds all of its own mechanical effects. Their Vortex Tunnel is the best around, not only running backwards but at a greater speed than any other. The Kreature Krate, Body Barrels, Thrashing Hanged Man, Spinning Floor, Motel Hell Elevator, and Sparking Fence were all done on site as well. New for this year is a 'claustrophobia' (suffocating walls) style effect. This gives the attraction a bigger budget feel on a small budget.

So even though part of the Hall is Gone With The Wind, it's still delivering the best in charity haunting-and is a good deal better than many pro haunts we've been to over the years. It brings a unique mix of styles and approaches to its haunting and has some of the more interesting characters on display, along with many unique monsters that patrons can look forward to seeing on a yearly basis. With the twentieth anniversary coming up next year, hauntgoers can look forward to even more surprises and twists from this eclectic event!

Satan Still Lives At The Hall

But with a brand new look!

The Whacker In The Woods

The Murder Shack proves that escaping the house is no guarantee of safety!

Mt Healthy's 19th Annual Haunted Hall is located at 7700 Seward Ave in Mt Healthy. Parking is in the Duvall school parking lot at the end of the street (on Compton Road). It is open Friday through Sunday, October 3-November 1, 8-11 on Friday and Saturday and 7-9 on Sunday. Admission is $10, a donation of a canned good will get a $2 discount. $15 Fast Pass (no discounts) available. Lights On Matinee for children will be on Sunday, October 26 from 6-6:45. Cost for the Matinee is $5. Sponsored by Madonna Council Knights Of Columbus and Boy Scout Troops 27 & 393. For more information call (513) 729-1974 or go to http://www.mthealthyhauntedhall.com .

2012 and 2013

Norman's 'Beside' Himself!!!

Why's That, You Say?

Because the Hall's A 'Smashing' Success!

WORKING THAT HAUNTED HALL MAGIC!

In a quavering voice, sideshow magician “The Great AliKillzam” described in graphic terms the results of his unprecedented feats of prestidigitation. Unprecedented in terms of epic failure, that is. The escape artist that he buried alive? Now a heap of bones in a coffin. The woman sawed in half? Well, neither part of her ‘SAW it coming!’ giggles AliKillzam’s flunky. The daring challenge of escaping from a water tank ended with the ‘glass half empty’-the body being freed, but not the head! And the daredevil who tried the ‘Bullet Catch’? Well, that ended in failure, not to mention a big red splotch on the wall. But perhaps the greatest feat of all is that AliKillzam mysteriously managed to come through all of this completely unscathed. TA-DAAAAAAAA!!!!!! This proves once again that magic is best performed on someone else, especially if you’re also a psychotic serial killer. Want to catch his show and perhaps be one of the lucky few chosen from the audience to take part in this amazing display for young and old alike? AliKillzam assures us “I’ll be appearing all week”, working that Haunted Hall Magic!

The HOD!!! was ushered into the 23rd year of the Haunted Hall by longtime staffer Betty Hancock, who according to the rest of the crew (and certain other haunt reviewers) inspires more fear than the monsters inside the hall. Despite having doubled the salaries of all the Hall’s employees (“From zero to double zero” adds one of them), she’s currently getting a razzing from the assemblage. “Hey, I’m trying to work here”, says Betty. “And where else are you going to find someone whose hair color matches a red costume?” The easy camaraderie shown by the organizers goes a long way towards explaining how they are able to pull off building the event from the ground up in only three weeks-not to mention tearing it down in a single evening! It also explains why the event has managed to retain its edge for years and remain fresh with several generations working together to put on the best show possible.

The Haunted Hall has grown from its humble beginnings where it comprised only the rooms inside the main building. It now stretches across the Hall, at least four tents, a jail complex, a shed, the double sized Black Maze, and a lake. Yes, the Hall now has a real lake in its backyard, constructed out of planking, piping, and a huge liner. With the fog billowing across it in the dark, it looks so real we wish we’d brought a fishing pole. Of course, this is Camp Crystal Lake, so throwing your line in there is apt to have disastrous results. And the bridge across the lake doesn’t look too sturdy, either, especially if, say, some psycho were to come out of one of the tents and begin chasing you with a chainsaw. Not that that would ever happen, y’understand. Or would it?

As our description of the magic show indicates, the Hall isn’t afraid to throw in a large dose of grisly humor with its scares. This sense of mirth extends down to even the small details. Perched on a shelf inside the mirrored walls of the funhouse is a small Jack-in-the-box with a sign above it exhorting hauntgoers to ‘turn if u dare’. It’s something most people might not even notice since you’re usually being pursued by a haunt klown at that point. But we saw it and couldn’t resist. We turned it and were greeted by a little creature popping out that featured its own tiny custom makeup job. Not coincidentally, it also acted as the cue for yet another deformed greasepainted freak to come leaping out from behind a mirror.

Lots of the Hall’s rooms return from year to year, like the funhouse we mentioned earlier. The same goes for Norman Bates (or is it Mother?), the Bug Room, the Executioner and his chopped-in-half victim, the Werewolf Woods, the Vortex, the Pumpking in his hall of Jack-O-Lanterns, the Vortex, Satan’s Throne, and the Kreature Kage. Since they’re reconfigured every season and usually placed in a different part of the haunt, they never get stale. And every year, hauntgoers still fall for their tricks. Confronted by a snarling Fangface rattling the bars of his cell, the group we were in couldn’t find the way out. When the loathsome reptile slammed open his cell door, they all began to leap over the rope that delineated the walkway-not realizing the only way out was to go THROUGH the cell door. Talk about confronting your fears head on! The Hall also tends to use lighting that gives these scenes a garishly lit, ‘Tales From The Crypt’ comic book look-something that complements the outrageous room designs well.

And speaking of returning rooms, there’s the Hall’s pièce de résistance, the Black Maze. Sure, Black Mazes are used by most attractions to cut down on costs and extend their attraction’s time. But the Hall’s has achieved legendary status. Now twice as large (taking up two tents instead of the original one), the haunt is the ultimate reconfigured room-it’s changed on a weekly basis, or even more often at the whim of the designers. With no monsters inside, you’d think it would just be a fun walk in the dark for hauntgoers, but it inspires more raw fear than anything else in the Hall. It really IS pitch black in there, and it’s horrendously easy to get hopelessly lost, turned around, or cut off from your friends. Stand outside one night and watch as a group enters, only to see the two or three groups that entered after them emerge first-or witness how members of the same group emerge individually over the course of fifteen minutes. What really makes the Hall’s Maze special is that there are so many textures inside-wood panels, half panels, chain link fences, even what felt like a smooth Plexiglas sheet at one point. It’s hard to get a ‘feel’ for direction when the surfaces you’re touching are continuously changing.

We’ve already discussed one of the new additions-the Dead Magic Show area. Following that, continuing the ‘carny’ theme, is a bizarre circus tent with skeletal clowns in the strangest looking big top imaginable. With an abstract set and plenty of fog (and a rat inside a ‘popcorn’ machine), it scores high on both the ‘weird’ and ‘creepy’ meter. There’s a witch room with a child inside a cauldron, and also a room with a spiked wall that you’ll likely be dying to meet up with. And of course, there’s the Hall’s infamous outdoor shed where the craziest room is traditionally located, a different scene each year. But we’ll talk more about that and its current famous resident after we look at some of the creeps spotted lurking about the Hall…

Like most charity haunts, the Hall of necessity uses a good amount of younger actors. Unlike some, they put their youngsters into positions where they can succeed. On our trip through, most of the kids had on masks designed to give them as fearsome a visage as possible and put behind drop panels or inside cages where their small size wasn’t as obvious. They were given the opportunity to startle the audience and disappear quickly before hauntgoers knew what hit them. Even some of the more visible ones, like the two scarecrows in the small cornfield outside Crystal Lake, have such disturbing masks and are so creepy looking that they fit in well. And when it comes time to have up-front characters that interact with and carry on conversations with the crowd, that’s where you find the adults and older teens, almost all of them seasoned veterans of the Hall…

We’ve already talked about ‘Haunted Hall’ Matt Gratsch’s turn as the Great AliKillzam. His partner in crime (the two have collaborated on several award-winning short films here in Cincinnati), Eric Sterwerf, is currently playing Emmett Rotts. Rotts, the Hall’s preacher-turned elevator operator (one thing you can say for the Hall’s characters-they’re flexible!) is now also doubling as an exterminator. Seems there’s a room crawling with bugs leading into the Hellevator. Rotts decides that taking it up to the 13th floor will make everything better-hey, it makes perfect sense to us! After spastically throwing himself around the elevator in a performance guaranteed to end with him in an upside-down heap on the floor (and that was so violently enthusiastic it temporarily knocked the Hellevator off-line), the bugs still seem to be there-but now Rotts isn’t the only thing that’s had its world turned upside-down…

Dr. Crazy (well, that’s what his name tag says-and since he's Matt's older brother Will, probably accurate) attempts to bring life to the dead, but he’s no better at it than the Great AliKillzam is at magic. He’s the ultimate mad doctor, with a crushed cigarette hanging from his mouth and mismatched eyes. Pulling back the sheet of his latest exercise in reanimation, hauntgoers are treated to the sight of a pile of bloody meat and bones. One might think he’s fumbling his dialogue, but when he’s corrected by the audience it turns out he just wanted to assert his authority, screaming out that “Don’t correct me! I’M the Doctor here!” Since our gal Ayame is a Doctor, we hear that quite a bit, so we dropped into step REALLY fast.

At one point early in the tour panic set in for The HOD!!! as it looked like Dracula had finally been retired, ending a long run as the sole surviving representation of the classic Count in the Cincinnati area. In his old digs was a witch who had thrown an unwary child into her cauldron-only the coffin that concealed the way out remained from Drac’s glory days. But after pushing our way through the rear of the casket into the Hall’s last room we saw what appeared to be a familiar funeral parlor. Could it be? Yes! Relief washed over us as Dracula rushed from his hidden vantage point. To show his appreciation for our concern, the Count beat us about the head and shoulders before showing us the door. There’s nothing like staying in touch with old friends.

Speaking of which, one character we didn’t have to wait for at all was Satan. Long a staple of the Hall, for years he’s succeeded in making even the most devout Christians bow down before him-sure, it’s through dishonest trickery and manipulation more than anything else, but isn’t that what Satan’s all about? At any rate, this season the Prince of Darkness is in the Hall’s very first room, occupying a space beside the stairway that seemingly defies gravity-in years past, the Hall would usually just have a ghost hanging there. One staffer couldn’t believe that they managed to get him up there safely. While Satan isn’t getting anyone to bow down this season, one of the construction crew states that next season you may not see a Stairway to Heaven, but one to Hell…

And don’t think for a moment that we’ve forgotten the God of haunt scaractors, the big bony cheese, the insect infested derelict corpse, the creature that is as fresh today as the day he first plopped down in front of his static filled TV…the legendary Bug Boy! The HOD!!!’s favorite haunt character has taken several wrong turns over the years in his efforts to find gainful employment, ranging from trying his hand at rapping while perched atop a police car to swindling seniors out of their welfare checks at the Tired Bones Retirement Castle in his guise as ‘Bug Daddy’. He’s even failed at serving up drinks at Spooker’s Bar (where the Reds always win the series and don’t choke like a bunch of overpaid washed-up loudmouth self-congratulatory losers with the worst manager in baseball who somehow still managed to get his contract extended by idiotic ownership-not that we’re bitter about that or anything). This season he’s trying his hand-not to mention an oversized pair of hedge shears-at the manly art of barbering inside the ‘Handy Shears Barber Shop’ (the ‘infamous outdoor shed’ we mentioned earlier). Unfortunately, judging from the customer seen here sitting in the barber chair (as well as a big pile of severed heads) he’s sure no Floyd the Barber. His special hair tonic is decidedly red and sticky and ‘taking a little off the top’ starts at the neck up (we would insert a bit here about how you really don’t want to tell him you want it ‘long in the back’, but that would be inappropriate and rude). We’re fairly certain this will be another failure for the Bugster, and that he’s going to have to look elsewhere for the money to pay off the exterminator we mentioned earlier.

And that’s what we really love about the Hall. While it has some of the most innovative and entertaining rooms in the area, it stays firmly grounded in its traditional roots. It’s old school seen through a modern filter. As the Hall’s T-shirt for the season states (graced with a pile of numbered heads in front of the Handy Shears Barber Shop), “For 23 years a-head above the rest”. And AliKillzam or not, still working that Haunted Hall Magic!

Rotts Ain't Fraid' Of No Ghost...

But Bugs-That's A Whole Different Story!

If Satan's Inside Your Haunt...

The HOD!!! WILL Run His Photo. It's That Simple!

2012 EVENT INFORMATION

Mt. Healthy's 23rd Annual Haunted Hall is located at 7700 Seward Ave in Mt. Healthy (between Adams and Compton Rd). It is open Friday through Sunday, September 28-October 27, 8-11 on Friday and Saturday and 7-9 on Sunday. Admission is $10, a donation of a canned good will get a $2 discount. $15 Fast Pass (no discounts) available. Lights On Matinee for children will be on Sunday, October 21st from 6-6:45. Cost for the Matinee is $5, Free for 'Guardian Adults'. The Hall remains open until the last customer in line has gone through. No refunds on tickets, and they're good only for the date on which they're sold. Sponsored by Madonna Council Knights Of Columbus and assisted by youth organizations. For more information call (513) 729-1974 or visit the Mt. Healthy Haunted Hall website.

2011 MT. HEALTHY HAUNTED HALL

Da Bugster Scams The Old Folks At Bingo!

Psssstttt........

Make Sure You Ask To Look At The Baby! It's A Cutie!

THE MOST BLUNDERFUL NIGHT OF THE YEAR!

Getting old sucks. Just ask Bug Boy, the Mt. Healthy Haunted Hall’s insect infested derelict corpse. Only a few years ago he was a young buck cruisin’ the hood in his fly hoopty and ducking the cops. Moving back to his TV Room for a couple of seasons, he was spotted last season throwing down drinks and serving blood up at Spooker’s Bar. But the Bar was closed down and an Ice Scream parlor now stands in its place-time marches on. The Bugster’s now ensconced at the Tired Bones Retirement Castle, cheating at Bingo and hogging the remote. They just grow up so fast! This of course begs the question if Bug Boy should now be referred to as “Bug Daddy” or “Bug Fogy”. Luckily for him, his old analog TV still works as fine as ever even without a convertor box, since it never got anything but static in the first place. Unluckily for him, those darn kids keep barging into the room and they need to be chased off. Now, the Bugster's not as spry as he used to be, and there's a tottering chandelier nearby that's waiting to squash the unwary-and sure enough, he stumbles into the rope securing it. The Blundering Bugster is on the fast track to becoming roadkill...

The retirement castle is just one of the crazy and unique rooms in this year’s Haunted Hall. The logo on the event's T-shirt reads “Still Cookin’ After 22 Years”, and once you reach the Sin City Bar-B-Q, you’ll know why-but more on that in a bit. For now, the HOD!!! took time to catch up with longtime staffer Betty Hancock and the rest of the event’s organizers. Once again they’ve created a completely entertaining haunt masterpiece, an event with a vibe all its own. In our review elsewhere on the HOD!!!, we called the Hall the Tri-State’s most schizoid haunt, and they make it work for them. Humor is mixed with horror, old school haunting with new, veteran actors with those performing their first roles, masks used as much as makeup, classic haunt characters mix with slashers and original characters, and low tech effects share the spotlight with high tech. The haunt’s theme is best summed up as “Anything goes, and the crazier the better”. The fact that the haunt is 100% constructed from scratch every season has no doubt made it easier for the organizers to work in outrageous new concepts on a yearly basis-the gag rooms are usually only featured for one season, so the Hall’s never guilty of beating a dead horse (although I think I might have seen that in one of their rooms once…). One staffer said that “Betty, the Millers, and others are here pretty much every day for those three weeks and work like crazy to get it done. I really have a lot of respect for the effort and creativity they put into things”. And did everything get done? “Everything but the chainsaw-we’ll be getting one of those tomorrow”.

After giving our ticket to the cute Witch at the door and entering the Hall, we met two of its more prominent members-Haunted Hall Matt (creator of the Hall’s website) as the bellhop and the Reverend Emmett Rotts manning the elevator. Why, you ask, would a diabolic clergyman be running the elevator instead of throwing chairs at hauntgoers from a pulpit? We wondered the same thing, so we asked him! “I can get SOOOOOOOOOOO much better results when I deliver my sermons inside the elevator”, gloated Rotts. “The flock can’t get away when they’re locked in here with me, and I can get up close and personal. And since this elevator only stops in Hell, it just makes sense”. In their “reel lives”, the good Reverend and Haunted Hall Matt also collaborated on an award-winning short film that has a shot of being aired at the Cannes Film Festival-BeeBee’s Flower. Rotts told us it’s not a horror film but does have an evil clown, so what are you waiting for? Check it out HERE. We did! Not only is it hilarious, but it has ninja and later clowns doing the freak nasty-that pretty much covers everything we look for in a film.

Anyway, Rotts prepared to deliver the gospel to the HOD!!!’s companions this evening-two giggly ten year old girls that were too scared to go through alone. Their reactions to the manic proceedings made it a most memorable tour. As Rotts took us to the floor we requested (666-hey, everyone knows we always look forward to seeing Satan at the Hall), they alternately cringed in fear and laughed as the spastic preacher threw himself around the interior of the elevator car. When the door opened, we all hustled out before Rotts had a chance to deliver his message of damnation-those preachers do drone on, you know, and we wanted to see the rest of the Hall before it closed. What follows are the highlights of our walk through with the young hauntgoers-there were more rooms and surprises along the way, but you don’t want us giving away everything, do you?

We didn’t arrive in Hell, but at the Retirement Castle-close enough. The girls laughed at Bug Boy and his undead Bingo partners, at least until the bug-squashing chandelier came down on the table with a house-shaking crash! Like most young girls, they were fascinated by the ‘Monster Maternity’ in the next room and wanted to see the baby cradled protectively in a blanket by her mother. They weren’t counting on what they got-and for the matter, The HOD!!! was totally caught off guard too! The girls didn’t slow down for the Operating Room (just as well-the table was occupied anyway), and they were too short to be affected by The Crusher like the HOD!!! was. They went the wrong way in the Klown mirror maze, allowing us to catch up with them. The bizarre clock room with the Grim Reaper also stopped them dead in their tracks-at least until they tried running past him and ended up having to deal with Dracula instead. The wily Dracula has been at the Hall for years and is an HOD!!! favorite. As befits his status as the King Of Vampires, he’s the only character that always has his room in the same part of the house. The girls didn’t believe us when we told them they had to enter an upright coffin to escape his clutches, but being pursued by Dracula can be a powerful incentive to become a convert. They took one look at the Horned Executioner in the next room and his still-kicking half corpse victim and headed straight for the exit. Once outside, they high fived each other and congratulated themselves at having made it through the house-never dreaming of the horrors that still lay ahead.

“You mean there’s MORE?!?!” they asked us incredulously. Yep-a whole lot more. The old contamination area had been replaced by a Werewolf attack, and this led into an eerie room of glowing Jack-O-Lanterns-and the Pump-King. Letting their guard down for just a second, the girls scattered for cover when a large crate suddenly opened up on their right and disgorged a nasty surprise. Then it was time to visit the Bates Motel, another Hall mainstay-Norman was particularly effective this year, crooning in a falsetto one moment and then switching to a guttural growl. And after almost taking a pratfall on the Hall’s spinning floor, we came to the area we mentioned in our opening paragraph-the “Ice Scream” Parlor that replaced Spooker’s. A clown behind the counter called out cheerfully, “Who wants Ice Cream?” Well, we sure as heck did, and so did the girls-but another little girl shot past all three of us and got there first. While reaching for her cone, a guillotine came down and…well, do you need to hear the gory details? After seeing that, we’ll be buying our ice cream in pints from now on.

After wobbling our way through the spinning vortex, we came to a campground outside of an insane asylum. One of the inmates was throwing himself against the frosted glass, but of more concern was the hockey-masked killer who was currently hurtling our way. After escaping him, we came to a dead end-an empty and closed cell. The two girls were simply going to slip between the bars-you can do that when you’re ten-but before they could, an angry Fangfaced creature appeared from nowhere and wrenched the door open, beckoning us inside. And what do you know-we were now INSIDE the asylum, and were confronted by all the inmates. Then it was time for the Sin City Bar-B-Q…

Satan is always at the Hall-in fact, a cartoon version of him is on this year’s T-shirt. His digs have certainly become more elaborate over the years. This season, he’s “Still Cookin’”-you’ll meet his Chef when you first enter Sin City. As the Butcher asked the girls to open his freezer door to check on the stock, they gave out a collective “EuuuUUUWWWW!” as they saw the severed head in the bubbling jar inside. Of course, while they were occupied with that, the Butcher took the opportunity to sneak up behind them with a cleaver almost as big as they were. They left the room in a flash and immediately were confronted with a coffin that had become a rotisserie oven, with a wildly spinning body roasting to perfection. And then there was Satan-resplendent on his throne and arrogant as ever, he insisted we all bow down before him-and everyone at the Hall does, because the ONLY way to get out is to crawl under his throne. He may not be the nicest guy is the world, but he’s a crafty devil.

And of course, there’s the black maze. By now you all know the story-two tents, pitch blackness, walls that are frequently changed during the season, and only one way out. Once a common feature in many haunts, the black maze now lives on in a select few-and the Hall’s is a masterpiece. Many people simply skip it or go in, wander around for a couple of minutes, and then march back out the entrance. Others have the time of their lives groping their way through. It’s easy to get lost, especially for neophytes. But after showing the two ten-year olds I was with the correct choice at the first intersection, they scampered through the rest of the maze like lab rats heading for cheese. No hesitation, no wrong turns. It was an amazing performance that capped off one of the most enjoyable tours we’ve ever experienced in a haunt. These two little girls were scared, laughing, grossed out, excited, and completely delighted-it’s the reaction every haunt hopes to get. When last spotted they were exuberantly running down the street waving their arms in the air and happily screaming.

And that’s what it’s all about. More so than any other area haunt, the Hall focuses on being fun and entertaining (without skimping on the horror). You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll smell the burnt flesh and watch folks die. Handless children and squashed insect men were never this much fun. 45 actors, over 25 scenes, a long tour time, and Bug Daddy-all for $10. Sounds like a deal to us! Every night at the Hall is Halloween, The Most Wonderful Night Of The Year-except for the Bugster, for whom it's The Most Blunderful Night Of The Year. Come on down to the Hall and help keep him from becoming an endangered species.

That Big Ham!

Dracula's Been At The Hall For Years. And He Never Gets Tired Of Posing For The HOD!!!

The Grim Reaper

Killing Time In The Clock Room!